I recently went paintballing with friends and a guy that I’m particularly somewhat interested in. I’ve never been paintballing before and I knew that it involved guns and shooting at each other, but I never liked guns or the sound of guns. Having these paintball guns was somewhat comforting, but getting hit really hurt and I was the first to call it a day after half a day of being at the field. It was…slightly horrifying. Then, to top it all off, I was being my total and complete self in front of this guy, and we even had a couple of moments together…but I just blew it, I felt. I just…always wish that I could do more to make my life fulfilling. I could have…at least given him some form of affection.